Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
