I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I believe in your delicious
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
