Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
