how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
