im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
