Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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