I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
