fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
