I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
