My room smells like vodka and shame
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I faked an abortion last night.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
