why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
