Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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