It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
