Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
