This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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