Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
