Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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