he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
