Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
