Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
