we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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