you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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