Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
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