Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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