i just wanna soil my oats bro
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
