I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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