you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
