the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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