using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
