Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
