how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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