Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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