I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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