I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
