My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
