I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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