During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
