I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
