yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
