That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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