god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
