And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
