i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
