she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
