Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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