If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
