Cold hands, warm shart.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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