I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
