"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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