You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
