Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
